FAST – How to maintain self-respect

It is also important to maintain your own self-respect in your relationships. A key challenge is how to ask for what you want or say no to a request in a way in which you are true to your values and will still respect yourself afterward.
** Linehan, M.M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.

You can remember these skills with the term FAST.

air – be fair to YOURSELF and to the other person.


pologies – do not over- or under-apologize.


tick to Values – identify what values are most important to you and avoid “selling out” your values to get what you want or to keep a person liking you.


ruthful – do not lie, overexaggerate, or act helpless when you are not.

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GIVE – How to keep and maintain relationships

If you want to keep and maintain a relationship, you need to play an active role.

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DEAR MAN – How to get what you want

This skill is helpful when you want to ask for something, say no to a request, maintain a position, or achieve some other interpersonal objective.

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